he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
