I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
