It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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