You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
