is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
