It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
