But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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