it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
