You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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