I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
