I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
