Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
