I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
