You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he thought i was a dude.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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