Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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