we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
