Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
