Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
