I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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