my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
