that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my phone needs a breathalizer
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
