so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
