help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
