You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
