Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Do you still have your period?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
false alarm, still single
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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