only if we run a train.
done.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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