I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
