The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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