Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
