this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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