We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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