i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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