What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
