Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
