What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
