I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
