hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
