her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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