oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
