and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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