Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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