I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
