SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My ass is underappreciated
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
