I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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