her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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