I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
