I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
