Ambien. No doubt about it.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
