He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
