Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
