This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
